Impressie nieuwe Editie Trainingsdag Brandbuilding, Fotografie & Instagram

Eerste treningsdag editie van mijn nieuwe  serie Trainingsdagen!

Wat een toffe dag, Afgelopen zondag 17 november 2019 was de allereerste editie van de nieuwe serie Trainingsdagen Brand building en Fotografie die we organiseren. En wat heb ik genoten van alle enthousiaste en inspirerende deelneemsters!

Onderneemsters van totaal verschillende hoeken en branches kwamen onze workshop volgen. Van tattoo artist tot consulting in Innovatie en verduurzaming, Model, Insta account manager bij Funda, sport therapeute, voedingsdeskundige. Totaal verschillende branches, maar een ding hadden ze met elkaar gemeen. Ze kwamen allemaal om zichzelf te ontwikkelen en te investeren in zichzelf en hun bedrijf op gebied van Fotografie, Brandbuilding en Instagram! 

Hier een impressie van hoe het theorie deel van deze dag geweest was. (niet iedereen wilde op camera, en dat hebben we  dus ook gerespecteerd) Een hele berg aan informatie, notities, een boel inspiratie. Ik denk met jullie mee, maar ook de deelneemsters onderling konden met elkaar meedenken en elkaar inspireren. Super mooi om te zien! Er werden veel vragen gesteld en beantwoord. En iedereen had weer een boel nieuwe kennis om stappen vooruit te kunnen maken!

 

Wil jij er de volgende keer bij zijn!? Binnenkort maken we de nieuwe data bekend voor begin 2020. Je kunt je hier aanmelden om een email te krijgen zodra de pre-sale begint. En wieweet zie ik jou de volgende Brandbuilding en/of fotografie Trainingsdag op deze geweldige locatie in Amsterdam!

Liefs,
Jolanda

 

NEW!!! Photography & Brand Building Training


I DID IT, I created a complete Training program!

There is just one but… It is in DUTCH and I will give the training sessions Live here in Holland on a really beautiful location in Amsterdam! So I will, Just this once, continue my story in DUTCH. I hope you understand. 

 


Oke dan! Zo, Zo trots op wat we hebben klaar staan!

Juist! Je hebt het goed gehoord! Ik ga nu na een break van 4 jaar het weer oppikken! Trainingen, workshops geven, en coaching  in Fotografie en Brand building. 

Waarom? Omdat ik het mis! Ik loop er nu al ruim een jaar mee in de rondte, maar deze zomer tijdens onze roadtrip door europa kon ik er niet meer omheen, ik MOET dit weer gaan doen. Ik vind het zo leuk om iets uit te leggen en de muntjes horen vallen. Om te zien hoe die nieuwe kennis opgepakt word en er mooie dingen gecreëerd worden, doelen worden gehaald, vooruitgang word geboekt.
En daar doe ik het voor! Dat gevoel iets bijgedragen te hebben aan de dromen en passies van een ander. Hoe tof is dat!

Dus sind ik terug ben heb ik hieraan gewerkt. Eerst de inhoud van de lesstof. Die moest geupdate worden. Er is een hoop hetzelfde gebleven, maar er is ook een hoop veranderd… Aanvullen, herschrijven, aanpassen, en kneden tot iets nieuws.

Ditmaal niet voor groepen van 25 personen… nee, kleine groepjes van max 10 deelnemers. Alle aandacht, alle tijd, een stukje klassikaal en een stukje persoonlijke begeleiding. Een deel Theorie, een deel praktijk. 

Dat is hoe we het anno 2019 gaan doen en ik heb er zin in!

 

17 november knallen we de eerste trainingsdag erin!

Neem snel een kijkje op het Fotografie en Brandbuilding Trainingen deel van deze website voor meer info

Wieweet zie ik je binnenkort op een van mijn Trainingsdagen!

NEW!!! Photography & Brand Building Training

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Voor we heerlijk wegkruipen in onze Winterslaap modus [+Podcast #01]

Voor we heerlijk wegkruipen in onze Winterslaap modus

 

Seizoenen

De lente voelt alsof je plotseling omhoog springt en een lange aanloop neemt voordat je een diepe duik maakt vol verwachting in de warme en wilde zomerdagen. Spetterend om je heen in de zonnestralen, rennen, springen van pure vreugde en speelsheid! Tot we buiten adem zijn. Compleet tevreden en herladen en we ons laten zinken in de naderende gezelligheid … frisse lucht, vallende bladeren, regendruppels op ons vensterglas. De meest verbazingwekkende kleuren en we zijn klaar om los te laten, naar binnen te duiken en ons gekoesterd en veilig te voelen.Gezellig bij warme, zachte dekens, warme chocolademelk, sneeuwvlokken die onze huid raken, vlammen dansen in de haard. De winter is onze cocon. En we overwinteren. Voordat de geur van de lente ons weer wakker maakt en we omhoog springen …

Voor de Winterslaap

We zorgen ervoor dat we genieten van de laatste warme zonnestralen en absorberen het allemaal op. We brachten onze warme vesten en een picknick met ons mee.

Springen, klimmen en spelen in het bos. Het herinnerde me aan de tijd dat we een paar maanden geleden gingen picknicken. We stonden aan het begin van het “buiten” seizoen, we wisten niet wat de zomer zou brengen, en nu kijken we terug op een geweldige lente en zomer en maken we ons op voor de “koude en gezellige” dagen. In het voorjaar zag het hele bos er anders uit, rook het anders, voelde het anders aan toen onze voeten de grond raakten. Dit jaar is het de eerste keer dat we ‘Minimal’ schoenen dragen en het heeft onze loopervaring voor altijd veranderd. Er is geen weg terug. En rennen en springen door het bos is het fijnst op onze minimal schoenen van Wildling!

Next up: Winter

We zijn er klaar voor! kom maar op met de ijzige temperaturen en warme truien!

In de tussentijd zullen we een nieuwe “Groene” houtkachel in ons huis installeren om warm te blijven, en misschien een beetje een huis renovatie op onze begane grond doen dit najaar. We houden je op de hoogte!

Love,
Jolanda, Michiel
Miley, Haley & Quinn

    We love Wildling shoes

    Wildling shoes  hebben ons hele gezin uitgerust met hun ‘Minimal’ wintercollectie schoenen en we zijn er dol op!

    Het heerlijke gevoel om op blote voeten door het bos te rennen en te klimmen terwijl je veilig bent tegen ruwe ondergronds en scherpe voorwerpen is geweldig!

    Terwijl je op blote voeten of met Minimale schoenen, het voelt niet alleen geweldig. Het is eigenlijk ook echt gezond! De reden waarom is hier heel goed uitgelegd door:

    1- Linde Logtenberg op haar Instagram hier!

    2- of in deze video door Teck Insider

    We willen onze partner Wildling bedanken voor het ondersteunen van ons blog. Onze partners maken het mogelijk voor ons om onze video’s, vlogs en blogs kunnen blijven produceren. Vanwege dit soort samenwerkingsverbanden kunnen we doen waar we het meest van houden:  Creatief zijn en onze verhalen, kennis en afbeeldingen met jullie delen!

    bekijk alle andere foto’s uit deze serie:

    [PILOT] PODCAST #01 Voor we in Winterslaap modus gaan...

    by Jolanda Marti | Wild & BOHO - podcast

    PRAAT MEE!        –     Join the conversation:

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    Middle child

    Middle child

     

    Je bent te klein om te doen wat je grote zus kan.
    Te groot om dingen te doen waar je kleine zusje mee weg komt.
    Je bent niet de grote zus.
    Je bent niet de kleine zus.
    Ergens daar tussenin zit je…

    Maar in jouw ogen ben je een GROTE zus en een KLEINE zus in één.Eigenlijk. Je hebt alles!

    Het is niet altijd gemakkelijk om het middelste kind te zijn. Maar toch, je staat vaak in het middelpunt van de belangstelling. Je glas is niet halfvol… het stroomt over! Ze zeggen vaak dat het middelste kind gemakkelijk vergeten wordt. Nou… laten we zeggen dat dat nooit zal gebeuren met onze Haley. Wacht maar af, ze zal het eisen. En lief kind… je verdient alle aandacht die je nodig hebt, mijn liefde.

    Een sterke wil, avonturen, nieuwsgierig, assertief, slim, grappig, direct, sterk, eerlijk, observatief, en zo zo lief. Het lijkt erop dat jou andere twee zussen van een andere planeet kwamen, gesneden uit hetzelfde hout, hetzelfde temperament, hetzelfde basispatroon, maar jij kwam uit een heel eigen universum.

    Er is geen saai moment met jou klein drakenmeisje. Je stopt nooit met bewegen, klimmen, reiken naar de meest gevaarlijke (en daarom meest interessante) objecten, stoelen op tafels en boeken opstapelen om hoger te komen, nooit bang en snel… oh wat ben je zo ongelooflijk snel. Ik knipper met mijn ogen en je loopt om een ​​hoek om, lachend, kijkend over je schouder om te zien of je wordt gevolgd. De vastberadenheid in alles wat jij doet. Ik geloof dat je alles zal kunnen bereiken waar je je zinnen op zet. Slim, lief, sterk, gepassioneerd, fel, athletisch, energiek, gek, explosief, grappig, stralend en mooi meisje van mama. Je zult zal opgemerkt worden.

    Over dat spelletje dat we spelen, waar we allebei beweren meer van de ander te houden:
    Mijn klein baby meisje, ik hou meer van je dan je ooit zou kunnen begrijpen! Misschien realiseer je je wanneer je op een dag zelf baby’s krijgt… Ik win… Ik hou VEEL meer van JOU! En dat hoort ook zo. 

    Liefs,
    Jolanda, Michiel
    Miley, Haley & Quinn

    Middle child

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    Consciousness, Like mother like daughter +Twinning Lookbook

    “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”

    ~Audrey Hepburn

    To have children is for me believing in tomorrow. Planting a garden with them and teaching them to treasure this planet is an essential part of the way we are raising our babies. We must protect what is left of nature and try and stabilize the unbalance we are creating as human beings.

    Making as many conscious choices as you can possibly make in your unique situation.
    From using las plastic and package materials to recycle your waste.
    From buying your clothes at your local thrift shop to buying conscious fashion brands. From growing your own food to supporting local farmers.

    Lead by example. Like mother like daughter…

    Minimalizing our carbon footprint and sometimes spreading a handful of wildflower seeds on to a patch of dirt. To see it turn in to the most beautiful flower field in a few weeks time. The bees will thank you for it by keeping our fragile ecosystem stable. And our children will have a better chance of having a carefree future on this beautiful planet.

    How do you contribute to the awareness of conscious decisions in your children? Maybe you have inspiring ideas I would love to hear!
    Tell me in the comments on instagram!

    Love,
    Jolanda, Michiel
    Miley, Haley & Quinn

      We love Bobo choses

      Bobo choses,  a Spanish brand has the most gorgeous collections of fair susnainable fashion.

      We are in love with their spring-summer collection “to plant a garden” and we feel like the spirit and attitude of the collection is capturing what we and a lot of parents around us are feeling. Let’s care for our kids, lets care for this planet. And let’s look awesome while doing it!

      Bob choses send us our matching mother-daughter jumpsuits and clogs! So much love for these fun and happy outfits!

      Lookbook TWINNING with Miley

      I went Twinzies with my big girl Miley!
      Spring is here so a perfect outfit to get out into the garden and enjoy the first rays of sunshine!

      We want to thank Bobo choses and Polette eyewear for our Mother and daughter twinning outfits! We are loving it!

        We love Polette

        Polette send me the same pair of glasses that we already had bought for my daughter. This way we can twin!

        Polette has beautiful frames and doesn’t pre-produce the frames. Every time someone orders a frame and lenses it is completely produced on demand. This way there is no wasteful overproduction of their collection.

        The frames and lenses are manufactured in their own factory in China by trained optical professionals.

        Their friendly priced prescription glasses are making quality glasses available for everyone. And in a household with 3 glasses-wairing individuals (from-wich 2 kids) we are really happy that with their frames we can afford it to get everyone the high-quality prescription-eyeglasses we need, without having to completely empty all our piggy-banks.

        SHOP the LOOK

        SHOP the LOOK

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        Consciousness, Like mother like daughter +Twinning Lookbook

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        Happy Midsummer!

        Woohoo, summer is here and we are feeling energized and inspired.

        This weekend was the summer solstice and we are feeling it in our bones! Summer is coming and we can’t wait to hit the road!
        All the Preparations for our big summer trip are totally happening right now!

        I took all the summer clothing from the back of the closet to the front! Re-discovering all my summer favorites.
        The only thing that was lacking was a fresh pair of summer loving specs. This will be the first summer for me with glasses.
        So Polette geared me up with some groovy round frames that makes me feel like I’m back in the ’60s. No wonder this model is called “rewind”.
        Loving it!!!

        Suddenly the kids are feeling “done” with the school. Aldou they LOVE to go to school, they want to stay at home now, “no more school mom!” I know babe… just a couple of weeks and we are free to go!

        We are also still editing a few weddings from our wedding photography, but other than that we are buzzily prepping the van, making a checklist for all the things we want to bring with us, but more important deciding what things NOT to bring with us. Our tiny little van hasn’t much space, so we are taking the BARE minimum with us!

        Also thinking of a way to make the journey and the whole “where are we” story clear for our kids on the way… So I started designing a custom “kids activity book/ travel diary” for them on this trip. With games, logs, and maps to get an understanding of where we are in the world and what to expect along the line of our journey.

        So! Enjoy the weather, and remember to take the time to stop… feel…hear….see…breathe…stretch…and smell the roses!

        Love,
        Jolanda

        SHOP the LOOK

        Happy Midsummer!

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        Chopping wood is Therapeutic

        let them express their inner Rugged bearded man!

         

        Chopping wood, Therapeutic for him. That’s what I would call it…

        During the lunch break, or after dinner, Michiel loves to get outside and shop some wood. Rain or shine, Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter! He is out there chopping his logs in to big chunks of lumber for the fire.

        And to be honest, there can never be to much lumber.
        During the spring, summer, and fall we make nice campfires in our backyard.
        And we are looking for a nice stove to keep us warm and cozy during winter months!

         

        “It’s in our DNA as humans. There is a fascination with creating fire with most men.”

         I guess it’s a primal thing, making lumber to keep fires going has been a ritual for thousands of years.  It’s in our DNA as humans. There is a fascination with creating fire with most men. At least, that’s what I’m seeing.

        Look at the neighborhood barbecue… Where are the men? Where the fire is! Haha, a little bunch of pyromaniacs with their beer in hand poking the fire.

        So I say… let them chop wood. It’s good for the soul. Letting them follow that primal instinct, letting out all their negative energy and frustration on the logs.
        Letting them be wild instinct-driven bushcraft motherfuckers! They are providing wood. Providing warmth. Providing protection from the cold. Providing the fire which we all can gather around.  Hear him roar! My strong man. Gosh, o’ my! Look at him being all provide-dy and stuff! Suddenly I forget I’m an independent woman who can chop her own wood just fine. I bet he would catch me whenever I would faint. Oh wait, he actually did once when I was pregnant! See!? My strong wood chopping for-family-providing-and-protecting man!

         

        “a genius guide that can lead any aspiring Burschcraft motherfucker in the right direction!”

         

        So, whenever he gets grumpy… tell him to go out and chop some wood. Youll see. He’ll come back a whole other man. 😉 Thank you Weltevree for gearing us up with this fresh and sharp new blade for Michiel to get his chopping on! And we are so happy with this Dutch guide that publishing agency SNOR sent to us, it’s a genius guide that can lead any aspiring Burschcraft motherfucker in the right direction! (brilliant fathers day tip for all the dutchies)

        Ladies! Do you send your men out to do some chopping and de-stress!?
        Or is it just me?

        Blog by: Jolanda Marti
        Photography: Jolanda Marti & Michiel Fook

        “man of the house” MUST HAVES

        In this insta-proof flatlay, we laid everything out for you. All the must-haves to make him feel like the ultimate survival backyard bushcraft badass.

        from left to right – top to bottom:

        Follow Michiel on Instagram!

        Our story from his point of view! More guy stuff and how to be a badass dad to 3 badass girls!

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        Chopping wood is Therapeutic

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        Throwback to my old model-portfolio!

        Wayyyy back to the time when…

         

        …I was studying and I did some modeling!

        I studied Multi-Media Design and Audio Visual Design in Amsterdam, as well as the introduction year of the Art Academy (Rietveld Academie) to become a filmmaker. And on the side, I did some modeling.

        I selected a couple of the photo’s from my old portfolio to share with you guys!
        This is the 10 to 17 -year younger me.

        If you already have a low self-image, don’t start with modeling.

        It was exciting, and a lot of the time a harsh world. But it definitely made me more confident and let me have a more positive self-image. Because in modeling, there are lots of people judging you purely on your appearance. And, and  Maybe it sounds crazy, but to me when you hear someone say to you, “ah… you would be the perfect model if you would be taller and have a nose job” WTF It sounds so extremely over-the-top harsh and completely ridiculous, that it made me care less about what others think!

        I had my two feet on the ground. I just felt that almost everyone in the business was just putting up an act of some-kind, fitting in, and most of the time extremely insecure and frustrated themselves. I could see through the charade, so it didn’t affect me at all.

        Being a model means having to deal with lots of rejections, before getting a YES on a job.
        And even though I could handle the people the comments and the attitudes, but the rejections were not much fun at all. But that made the chase only that much more fun, and a WIN that much sweeter!

        Getting Inspired
        Not everyone is horrible! All dough may look and sound that way, not everyone is horribly unstable and mean… Some of my best friends today are people I met in the field! There are lots of agencies, model colleagues, stylists, makeup and hair stylists, and other people on the set that are just amazingly talented, creative, nice and inspiring to be working with!

        Modeling changed my life

        Now looking back, this modeling totally formed me and led me to the place I am today.
        At the end of the day, I did invest way more time and energy on castings, test shoots and portfolio viewings than I made money to compensate me for it. But I think I got something way more value out of it. The experiences along the road of my modeling career made me the person I am today.

        These are the main  life lessons are the things I’ve learned along the way:

        People knowledge. Recognizing someone who is insecure and therefore acting a bit tough, braggy and mean. And not feel threatened by it. It’s ok. We all have struggles I guess.
        -SOMEONE will Always find you ugly! But someone will always find you beautiful! (Aside from the obvious fact that true beauty comes from within and all that… but we are talking modeling biz here, so we go no deeper than the outer layer here.)
        -Not giving up. Yes, you grow a strong backbone by so much rejection, but success is only a matter of time!
        Self-confidence, it has to come from within yourself, not by validation of others.
        Learning on set, And last but not least: I think that having experience in standing in front of the camera definitely helped me in becoming a better photographer and filmmaker. The compositions, and base camera and lightning techniques of shooting images and production basics in the field.

        Today

        Sometimes once in a while, there are still little commercial gigs I do. Mostly I get typecast as “the mom” to do a shoot with one of my babies. But mostly we shoot our own stuff for our blog and Instagram for brands. So that’s a kind of commercial “lifestyle” modeling too I guess.

         

        Did you know that:

        – I am only 5.2 feet tall! (huge disadvantage for a model, I only did beauty, lifestyle, and commercial.

        – Being highly emphatic made it easier to feel that all the superficial bitchyness was just an “attitude” and a charade, some sort of coping mechanism. Underneath it all they all where good people struggling with lots of insecurities. 

        – As a model, you get to work and meet and be inspired by lots and lots of cool creative and very nice people too!!! 

        – I look different through a lens… I may look better on camera than in real life I guess hahaha Once a photographer didn’t reckonize me, but looking through the lens of his camera he said: “aaaah YES now I see you!”  XD

        – I started modeling when I was 15 years old, I got a lot less active at the age of 21 as I started my professional career as a Motion graphic designer and presenter for a dutch tv show (that’s a whole other story).

        I treasure the pictures from all the shoots I did. So lovely to look back on!

        – I never ever starved myself, Ate enough and didn’t over-exhausted myself with working out.

        I never spend money on photoshoots or paying an agency! Especially the last one is a big NO they should invest in you if they believe in you.

        -I did invest a LOT of time in my portfolio, Collaborating with lots of photographers, stylist, and makeup artists!

        – I know nothing of how things in the modeling business are now in 2019.  This is my experience of 15 years ago.

        -Most of these photos are in Tiny little resolution! So sad I don’t have the high-res files anymore! I think I’m going to contact the photographers, maybe I can still get them from their archives! (I really hope so!)

        I never earned LOTS of money with it! I lived with my parents and went to school! This was just a fun side job. 

         

        I guess I combined my skills from my education and my experience in modeling. So there you go! My experience in standing in Front of the camera started right here and led me right to where I am today.

        Scroll all the way down to see more photo’s from my old portfolio!

         

        Thanks for reading along and if you have any questions, ask me on my Instagram, because I live there hahaha:  https://www.instagram.com/wildandboho/ 

        Love,
        Jolanda Marti

        Blogpost written by: Jolanda Marti

         


        Photography in my portfolio selection on this page  is by:

        -Nicole patricia malina
        -Hanneke van Leeuwen
        -Michel zoeter
        -Rob l. roos
        -Martin wieldraaijer

        -Wouter keuris
        -Jacomijn Lyppens
        -Jan Stijnman
        -Richard bakker
        -Robert Hart

        The copyright of these photos is from the photographer who created the photo.

        Don’t copy, use or publish any of these photos without their explicit permission! Want to know more info about a photo, just ask me, I will direct you to the right photographer.

        I’m so so grateful for these amazing artist I got to work with!

        If I’m forgetting a name (and I am, but I can’t find the names anywhere anymore aaarggg it’s killing me!)
        or if anny info is wrong, please please please let me know!!! I Will ad it to the list! I don’t remember everything from 15 years ago! I wish I did do…  Let me know by sending me an email or a dm in my insta!

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        Throwback to my old model-portfolio!

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        Run wild my child

        Run wild my child

        We love to prepare a picknick basket and go out in the woods. Driving to the woods we are hearing all the “where are we going”-’s and “are we there yet”-’s and ” I don’t want to go to the wood”-’s of the world. Yes, our kids are like all the other kids in the world. But once we are there all of that is forgotten and off they go. Climbing trees collecting treasures and building castles.

        We hike for a bit. Find a nice place to lay down a plaid and our stuff as a “home-base”. Chilling and eating and playing around in the shade of the trees. We spot dears, hear the songs the birds are singing to us, the wind blowing through the trees and our wildling cubs howling to the beat of the forest.

        Little feet are making a wonderful crunchy sound as they touch the layered floor of the forest. Every step feels different, little sticks, rocks, bones, grass, and mosses are all hiding under a think mixed layer of old crispy and fresh soft fallen leaves. Making every step an exciting surprise. Walking on barefoot shoes is making our exploration feel natural to the touch and safe against rough undergrounds and sharp objects at the same time.

        All things we normally tend to worry about seeming small and insignificant. No to-do lists, bills to pay, work to do, places to be. Because this is all that matters, this is all we need. Each other and nature. This feels like freedom. Pure happiness.

        We are rich when we leave to go home. Our bounty: A scraped knee, two feathers, seven stones, four leaves, improved tree climbing skills, twelve-spotted dears, hundred stories, and five fully charged inspiration batteries.

        On our way back home our little Quinn falls asleep in the car, Haley is quietly looking out the window and Miley asking us ” this was fun! When can we go back!?”

        As soon as possible my little wildling.

        Love,
        Jolanda, Michiel
        Miley, Haley & Quinn

          We love Wildling shoes

           

           Wildling shoes geared our whole family up with their barefoot shoes and we are loving it! 

          The wonderful feeling of running and climbing barefoot through the forest while being safe against rough undergrounds and sharp objects is amazing! 

          Walking around barefoot or with barefoot schoe, wair doesn’t just feel great. It’s actually really healthy too! The reason why is very well explained here:
          1- In Duch by Linde Logtenberg on her Instagram here!
          2- or in this video by Teck Insider

          We want to thank our partner Wildling shoes  for supporting us and making it possible for us to keep producing our video’s, vlogs and blogs. It’s because of these kind partnerships we get to do what we love most:
          Being creative and sharing our stories and Images!

          Run wild my child

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          People with buildup negativity are toxic, especially for empaths

          Sometimes you encounter someone who is harnessing a lot of negative emotions and when such a person gets the chance, they will unload their buildup emotional garbage on you.
          And well… that sucks.

          Key is not to let it get to you. Right… But that is easier said than done. I immediately tend to absorb all the emotions around me. All the time. There is no way of stopping it. My natural state is completely open. Highly sensitive to the feelings of people, picking up all emotions floating around. Everything gets in and hits me full force.

          So when someone unexpectedly opens fire on me and lashes out in a verbal and non-verbal (bodylanguage & Vibes) way, there is no hiding from it. No walls, no shields protecting me. Things don’t slide off… they stick on me. A clean transfer of complete feelings array from them to me takes place. I’m feeling everything they are going through! And It gets to me in a devastating way. It makes me retreat back into my bubble to restore for a while. Because it breaks me.

          But still, I’ll much rather be open, loving, honest and completely vunrebule than bitter and closed off blaming the world for my toxic negativity.

          Why are people dumping toxic emotional garbage on others?

          I feel as if people that are in such a bad place are looking for a safe outlet for their anger. And it’s like they can smell my defenselessness. Like they are looking for someone like me, they can easily put down and humiliate or lash out at. Someone to absorb their emotions. Someone without the threat of getting your ass kicked. Someone to blame all their problems on. Someone to be the villain in their story.

          Most of the time its people I’ve never met before. They don’t know me at all. And their reason to lash out is most of the time something negligible that is blown out of proportion. In the past, I’ve had multiple encounters. For example with (frustrated) people working in public transport that would lash out for me leaving a bag on the seat next to me or something minute like that. But in such a severe way that others around me jumped in to help me and afterward asking me if I was ok. (no, I was not) People attacking me “looking in their direction” and assuming I was judging them. (yes because of thats really the kind of person I am) Or people taking something I said the wrong way, twisting and turning my words because of their own assumptions.


          What does that to someone like me
          ?

          Being extremely sensitive to the emotions of others. Being really empathic, means these attacks are really double for me. It’s not nice to be attacked. But at the same time, I feel them. I get it! As soon as their switch goes to black, even before attacking me I feel the air getting thicker, my skin starts to tingle, and the hairs in my neck stand up, Goosebumps, my heart starts pounding and a pit in my stomach. Bracing myself. Oh shit, here it comes… 

          In the moment that happens my first reaction is to freeze. The second reaction is to second guess myself. And in an attempt to calm the other person down I tried to apologize for whatever they think I did to them. Trying to make it right. But guess what? It NEVER works. An apology is never ever accepted. You know why? They need you to be the bad guy. They need to be angry at someone. And they have chosen YOU! 

          All I’m saying is that no matter how hard you try in being nice and loving to everyone. Some people will come for you anyway.

          And all I can do is go back home, and say to myself: 

          “you tried your best
          it’s ok
          this feeling will fade

          you will be fine
          just keep on breathing
          hug your kids
          even when it doesn’t feel this way
          there is still so much
          beauty in the world
          open your heart “

          Knowing I will feel better somewhere in the next days, but that other person has to live with feeling this way all the time, is a heartbreaking thought on its own. Life must be terrible being them.

          A part of me immediately wants to dive in, reach out and try to “save” them from the terrible place there in. But as they probably have picked me as their villain in their story they probably won’t be open to help from me. And I need to step back and say to my self “it is not your place to save everyone in this world, Pick your battles. This one is for someone else.”

           

          Those people are a victim of their own state of mind, they obviously have issues to work through. Even do that person had it in for me. I’m not angry with them. There is no use in creating more anger and negativity. The negativity that eventually will build up and will need an outlet. Negativity that, if I’m not able to let it out in a gentle healthy way, there is a chance I will take it out on someone else. Making this a neverending stream of negative emotions being pushed on forward to the next and the next and the next person.

          I’m stopping the vicious circle right here by crying. By talking. By letting it out.
          By hugging my family. By accepting. By understanding. By healing. By daring to open up again.  Just feeling it all.

          I hope she or he feels better after lashing out. I hope she or he will find some healing for themselves and be a happier person.

          A few weeks ago I had an abrupt short confusing encounter with a really troubled person who poured all their anxiety, insecurities, anger and frustration on me. Leaving me sad and burned out. 3 days after I started to recover. It made me think, it inspired me to reflect and write on the subject in this blog post.
          These things happen to me two or three times a year since I can remember.

          So there must be other people that can relate to this right!?
          Am I the only one? Maybe IT IS ME!? Inviting this on myself? Attracting it!?
          Sometimes its so hard to stand up for myself and being assertive because of the fear for another attack or making things worse.
          I NEED YOUR INPUT So, what do you think?

          Should I stay this defenseless without doing anything about it? Because of its a pure, open, honest state of being. A thing of beauty. And It is who I am?

          OR

          Do I need to protect myself a bit more? Have more defense systems? Fight back? Create more boundaries?
          Preventing the emotional garbage of others from getting in?  Getting thicker skin?

          And if so… How to do so in a healthy way?
          Because I wouldn’t know where to start. I have always been this way. 

          Thinking about this issue and talking about it to my friends and family did gave me a better understanding of what is happening.
          Reflecting on it was allready a big help and a form of self-care on its own.

          Tell me your thoughts on the subject! I could use your input.

          Love,
          Jolanda,

          People with buildup negativity are toxic, especially for empaths

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